So over the past couple days I have been pondering the subject of the infamous “Friendzone.” It all started after watching a video about the Friendzone by a guy called Scooter Magruder which was pretty funny. When I read the comments I was amazed at the responses the video was getting. From guys claiming that only lesser men get friendzoned, to girls claiming the Friendzone is a myth. The lot of it was mostly the kind of garbage people only have the nerve to state thanks to the anonymity of the interwebs. But that’s a whole different story for another time.
For those of us who don’t know what the Friendzone is, here is a quick break down; a guy finds interest in a girl (or visa versa but we will stay with the male aspect because I am one and I can’t say it’s the same for both sexes) and he becomes friendly with said girl. Guy starts showing interest hoping to advance relationship to something meaningful, but girl avoids such advances. Girl accepts the guys extra friendly gestures from guy and guy sees her acceptance as mutual interest. Relationship plateaus at friend only level where guy feels that girl ignores his feelings. Usually ending in resentment by guy who feels as if relationship is one-sided.
Before I go any further yes the guy is dumb for thinking things will go any further than just friends in a 100% of his opposite sex relationships. And that brings me to my first point; the claim that the Friendzone is a myth.
One of the comments on the previously stated video was, “the Friendzone is a myth, guys shouldn’t expect sex because they shower a girl with gifts and friendliness.” Man that statement alone is filled with so much hate. Look I agree that guys shouldn’t expect intercourse just because they are nice to a girl. That devalues women as humans. But this girl makes a huge generalisation that men only want sex, which is doing the same thing she is accusing the men of doing. Look, just because I would sleep with most of my lady friends doesn’t mean that’s the only reason I’m friends with them. And just because I would have sex with a person doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them. I enjoy sex, but I also enjoy making my friends smile, I enjoy giving them gifts and being there for emotional support. Even if it makes me feel uncomfortable when girls cry.
I won’t lie there are some girls that I became friends with just because I wanted to sleep with them, those friendships don’t last long because the emotional connection is not there. There is no other foundation to the friendship and I usually don’t go out of my way to impress them by buying them stuff. But then there are girls who are on my radar as possible mates. Someone who has shared interests and our personalities mesh well. Those are the girls that I build a friendship with in hopes of furthering it to dating status. Sometimes it progresses and other times is does not. Sometimes I get amazing friends out of the whole experience and other times you realize the person is caustic and self absorbed. Such is life.
The Friendzone isn’t always this loathsome place that no man wants to venture to. But it becomes one when you hear the cliche responses given to you over and over again.
I’m looking for a guy whose just like you.” “you’ll make a girl really happy one day.” et al. When a guy is putting himself out there and it is completely ignored but the guy is exactly what the girl wants in a guy it gets really confusing and we feel as if the girl is just ignoring us. I get it, we aren’t attracted to everyone we come in contact with, and you can’t force an attraction that isn’t there. Sometimes it feels as if we are continually being led on and/or used because we actually care. And I know all the fault of these situations are not solely on the women because sometimes it’s just the guy ignoring the fact that the girl has made it clear she isn’t interested.
Sometimes we just need to step back, evaluate ourselves, and evaluate the people we have around us and do what is best for us. I will continue being put into the Friendzone and I will accept it as part of life. It’s whatever to me now. And one day I will find someone who wants to try to have a relationship with me that’s more than just friends and I’ll be ready.
Keep strong friends.