Self reflections of a lonely heart

When you tire from the relationship games; when all your advances are me with avoidance or rejection; it is hard to keep faith that you will find love. You start having meaningless sexual encounters to satiate your overactive libido, but you remain hollow. I miss having someone who its the highlight of my day. Who I am eager to converse with, and the longing to have physical contact with is ever present. It’s one of the few things that saves me from believing I am a sociopath.
A pretty, intelligent woman who had interest in me is difficult to find, because most smart women are smart enough to avoid someone who is broken. Someone like me.
I have been clawing my way back from hitting rock bottom, where I was not due to drugs or alcohol, but an addiction to a person. For what ever reason she still has a draw on me, talons still hooked on my soul ever so slightly. Where I occasionally wonder if it would be ok to return. I compare prospective women to her, to see if they measure up.
So I sit here stumbling through the murky swamp of relationship purgatory. Sifting through the debris and muck, hoping to find that person who overshadows my past and brightens my day.